Pre-Grief......

I'm trying to remember what I learned during the years I worked for hospice. I keep thinking that my professional background should help with coping with a coming loss in my own family. But somehow it's not working........

My dear cousin has been fighting cancer for several years now. We thought she was in the clear....but about a year ago the damn disease showed up again.....in her bones this time. So a round of chemo and radiation....and a good year. Travel, time with family including a new grandson, time with friends, time at home. Good time.

But it's back......I don't know the details, but Dave and I just spent good time with her and her husband last week. Good, good time.

I knew it was back.....she'd had some tests the week before we came and was scheduled to see her doctor just after we left for home. So I knew. And my brain knew.....and we all knew that the end result of bone cancer is never good. So my brain was ready for today's phone call....but somehow my heart was not.

Another round of chemo......holding off the inevitable. Hoping and planning for more good time, at home, with family, with grandkids, with husband, with friends. More good time.....please.

Pre-grief...or whatever it's called. My brain seems to be coping.......my heart is breaking.....and my tear ducts are working overtime. Crap....she is younger than I am. Just so unfair......just so unfair.