Perfectly Normal.....Normally Perfect....

What a beautiful day in Port Washington....blue sky, sun is up, Lake Michigan is sparkling. Fenway and I were out early so spotted just a few other dogs with their owners, two men on bikes raced up the hill to the bluff, robins and cardinals, mourning doves calling to one another from one side of the bike path to the other. Our lilac bushes near the lake are just beginning to open and all of the trees are greening...maybe not quite full leaf, but almost. And it's cool enough for a jacket....my kind of perfect morning. Port Washington looked completely normal this morning.

But America is burning. Neighborhoods in cities all across our country are filled with protestors and full of anger and frustration and fear. Dave and I got into bed last night and suddenly, at ten o'clock, both of our phones blasted a loud siren and a message came across our screens....there was a curfew in Milwaukee and because our cell phones have a 414 area code we got the warning. It was a sad and unsettling way to turn out the lights in our comfortable condo and try to go to sleep.

America is burning....and for many of the people involved in the protests and demanding answers to our latest examples of racism at work.....this America is perfectly normal. Some will say that much of the destruction is due to "outside agitators" and ignore the slow burn developing due to years and years and years filled with inequities and injustice.

I look in the mirror and see a white face looking back at me. I will never know.....never. My skin color gives me an automatic step up.....or more than one. My world is perfectly normal....normally almost perfect....and I will never know.

One White Woman Weeps....

Buildings burning in Minneapolis....protests in Los Angeles and Memphis. Anger and frustration and, frankly, rage. Watching the agonizing video on TV and watching him die.......

I am a 73 year old white woman living in a condo overlooking Lake Michigan. I don't think twice about walking out my door, driving anywhere I want and living my life.

Say his name......say his name.

This was George Floyd. This man's name ......   George Floyd.

Into the Elevator.....

First thing in the morning Fenway and I head through our door and into the elevator for the morning walk. Today, Memorial Day 2020, when the doors opened I was greeted with a colorful sign. One of our neighbors had his 95th birthday last week and he is a proud Veteran. His daughter made a sign commemorating his service and celebrating his grand daughter who is currently a member of the armed services. She invited building residents to share their family history as well.

After our walk, I printed out a short salute to my dad who served in the Navy in World War II. The only information he ever shared (that I remember) is that his ship was one of the first to land at Hiroshima after the bomb. He was sent ashore.....but never spoke about what he saw there. Dad died at age 49. The medical information provided at the time indicated that his disease was most probably the result of all the radiation he absorbed while on shore in Japan in his early 20's.

Dave woke and wrote a remembrance of his father who served in the Army in Europe. Part of many of well-known campaigns including Normandy, the Ardennes and in Rhineland, he, also, never talked about his time overseas. He died after a fall at the early age of 45.

So today our small elevator provides a space to salute a few of the veterans to be remembered on Memorial Day 2020. A day, this year, that's kind of gotten lost in the COVID-19 pandemic. No parade in town, no big gatherings at Milwaukee cemetaries to honor the dead.

We will just have small family memories floating through our brains as we enter our elevator today....a remembrance of our family members who served and perhaps a reminder to think of all the others who gave their lives in service to America....and who continue to serve today.

Thank you.

Privilege......

It's day 67 but with a bit more activity. The "rules" are changing and businesses in our area/state are beginning to open up. At this point I can't keep track of what is OK and what is not....but I think restaurants are only open for take out or possibly outside dining. We still aren't planning a trip to a restaurant any time soon.

Walking Fenway one morning last week I went past some really big motor yachts that had been launched here in Port and were tied up all around the harbor. A few were really luxurious....and huge. Most were unoccupied, waiting for owners or crew to move them to their summer locations. As we went down the sidewalk next to the dock we passed two women talking to a man who happened to be sitting on his yacht's rear deck enjoying the sunshine.

We heard just a snippet of the conversation as I steered Fenway to the side in order to maintain our social distance. The captain was complaining that he couldn't find a restaurant open for breakfast and it was really hard to even find any carry out early in the morning. Again....it was just part of a larger conversation I'm sure, but his comment has been floating around in my brain ever since.

It's made me think about privilege in the time of COVID. The privilege of having a safe, comfortable place to live or not. The privilege of having enough food on the table and a secure source of income or not. The privilege of having alternate child care or a nanny if your nursery school is closed or not. The privilege of having adequate healthcare or not. It's all over our news how privilege affects so many around the world who are battling or worrying about this virus.

I spent two years living on a sailboat and that was a privilege. I know how it feels to be afloat at dockside and walk into a town for groceries or a meal. I know how special it is to be in that kind of exclusive community....people who can afford to buy a boat and sail off into the sunset. It is a privilege. Ours was not a luxury yacht....but wow, was she beautiful.

So I just keep thinking about this captain complaining about local "services" as he sat on a multi-million dollar yacht. I would like to know if he senses any kind of irony in his comments or a sort of tone-deaf privilege makes it impossible for him to see that his comment was just so out of place in spring 2020.

But then probably not....his yacht is gone now. He's off enjoying his cruising season and I'm sure his galley is well stocked even if he can't tie up in a Great Lakes harbor and find a meal to his liking.

I don't know.....it's just something that really "bothered" me.

Privilege in 2020 makes such a huge difference.

Unexpected Reaction......

Saturday night at home....same as every Saturday night for about two months. Yawn. We finished dinner and looked at the TV listings for the evening. Was there anything on that seemed interesting or should we watch a movie or another episode of "The Crown"? Our three major networks were advertising an hour long show called "Graduate Together: America Honors the Class of 2020". We didn't think that seemed intriguing but as we started to look for options the show began....and we were hooked.

The beginning showcased a virtual student choir and the effect was mesmerizing. The show featured speakers, well known artists and students speaking or performing from all over America. Short interviews with parents, comments about what graduates were missing as the 2020 school year's second semester in every state was not what anyone expected it to be. Traditions students had been looking forward to for perhaps years were simply not going to take place.

I will have to admit, that in the weeks since schools shut down and we all had to make complete changes in our everyday lives I thought to myself that yes, while missing prom, fun senior traditions and graduation ceremonies would be disappointing there were much bigger things to be addressed. The "kids" would deal with it and "get over it".

Watching the special made me re-think all of this and brought memories flooding back. Suddenly I could see us sitting in the bleachers at the football field at Shawnee High School in Medford, NJ watching as Todd received his diploma. His parents, sister and grandparents all applauding!

   

Four years later we caught a glimpse of him as he approached the graduation gathering at Rutgers University. His huge smile beamed at us through the crowd of happy students. Again parents, sister and grandparents were there to share his achievement.

And we got to gather again to watch his sister, Megan, graduate from the same high school knowing she would be heading off to Shepherd College in the fall.

Then the last ceremony for our youngest as she graduated from college knowing she'd be starting a job in Milwaukee soon after.

As Dave and I watched this less-than-expected-but-specially-designed 2020 TV graduation ceremony I will admit that there were a few damp eyes on both side of the couch. Remembering our kids and wondering about these kids. What a huge bump in the road for all of them. How many would actually start college in the fall and if they did go off to campus what kinds of new procedures would be in place?

It doesn't matter if you don't have any students in your family who are celebrating this high school graduation milestone, I highly recommend you go on line and watch the show. It was hopeful, meaningful....it was a celebration. Here's to hoping that there will never be another entire country-wide high school senior class that ever has to celebrate this way ever again. Here's to knowing that these graduates will go on to help our world find new ways to develop, grow, balance and provide equal opportunities for more individuals to reach toward a bright and promising future.

An unexpected reaction from two boomers who don't have a high school graduate on pause this year....tears.

Blue 62.....

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful spring day in Port Washington....and an actual "social" day for us! In the morning we walked to our downtown park to meet friends and share a cup of coffee outside in the morning sunshine. Just sitting (not too close) and talking face to face was a mood booster. Then in the afternoon we drove down to visit our friends at "Camp Glendale". They are the special people who take care of Mr. Fenway when we travel without him. We sat on their outdoor patio and played a  game of Farkle at a distance while the dogs ran and played and rolled in the grass. Conversations in person twice in one day. And finally I met two neighbors outside at 5:00 with a glass of wine and a sit-on-bike-path-bench visit. It was short because the wind picked up....but it was nice. Three socializations in one day.

And then I woke up this morning and felt blue. It was early so I tiptoed out to the kitchen and made my coffee. The sun was shining and the sky is blue and the trees are turning green. Two beautiful days in a row. But my mood is low again.

Fenway arrived down the hallway and out we went for his first important morning walk. Warmer than I expected I was overdressed in my fall coat and a hat....but off we went toward the bike path. As soon as we hit the sidewalk I heard the bird call and spotted the flying daffodil in a small tree at the end of the bike path. Smile!

We turned north on the path and today Fenway wanted to keep going so off we went. Just past our condo building I heard a cardinal. There she was, just off the path, looking at me. She cocked her head several times as I went by, but didn't fly off. Smile!

Fat robins jumped along in the grass. I could hear the gulls calling from over the lake. A slight breeze ruffled through the trees as I followed Fenway's scissoring walk along the way. Three deer appeared ahead of me, spotted us and walked down the hill toward the stream. Smile!

And as Fenway decided he was done and ready for breakfast we turned back to home. Blooming along side was a lovely bunch of marsh marigold. Smile!

So I don't know if day 62 will be blue.....maybe the glimpses of yellow will change my mood. And if not then maybe day 63 will be better.

   One day at a time.

Day 57.....

Hmmmmm......well here goes another Monday.

Maybe I'll play with my monkey toy.....

...or maybe my tennis ball.....

....or maybe I'll go look out the window....

...nope....nothing happening out here either.

I guess I'll just go back to bed.

Re-Zoom-ion......

We were supposed to be in Franklin, Tennessee this year....just outside Nashville. One of my friends booked a house for us and we all looked forward to our almost-annual reunion. Six friends from Ripon College now spread all over the country. Our gatherings started long after our 1968 graduation and well after we'd established marriages, motherhoods, careers. We "found" each other again when we all went back for our 25th college reunion. And someone said "We need to get together more often!" And so we did....almost every year since.

We've been to each other's homes, rented VRBO's to explore an area, catch up on our news, share photographs, stories, laughter and sometimes tears. I joke that the three or four days are my annual "therapy" sessions and I so look forward to our times together.

But, this year, the reunion was erased from my calendar. There would be no traveling to connect with my special long time friends. And so we decided to "gather" for a Zoom call. 10:30 yesterday morning and we all navigated the video system and "found" each other on the internet. We waved, we laughed, we talked, we shared good books to read and shows to watch on TV. We shared a little time "together" and will remember this unique 2020 reunion.

I'm glad we connected and I enjoyed the virtual visit. But I really hope, next year, we can re-start our in person togetherness. These women are special to me and I am thankful that our paths crossed as college freshmen....and have continued to cross in the years since.

A toast to you ladies....to long time friends who knew me when and know me now. This year, 2020, during a time of separation and distancing I miss you all......and I look forward to trying to gather as soon as we possibly can. Stay well!!

10 Minutes.....

A cool but beautiful morning as Fenway and I left the building. Again the sky over the lake gave me a  lovely way to start my day.

And then, back in the condo an hour later, I glanced out the window overlooking the bike path. It's snowing.

Spring in Wisconsin....if you don't like the weather wait ten minutes. And oh yes....Wisconsin spring comes on a Wednesday.

That Seesaw.....

Do you remember school and park playgrounds when we were growing up in the 1950's? The ones with the old fashioned "monkey bars" and the slides and the wooden swings and the seesaws? Those long planks with a seat at each end and a small handle to grab. Two people, one at each end, would take turns pushing off from the ground to send the opposite end sailing up and then back down so the second participant could reach the top on her side. We'd do it for long stretches of time....talking and probably singing some goofy nursery rhyme along the way. Then picking spinters out of our shorts as we walked away.

Seesaws don't seem to be around any more....I'm sure they represent all kinds of safety hazards that are no longer an acceptable part of childhood.  But for some reason, yesterday, the memory of a seesaw popped into my brain. Yesterday, Tuesday, was a crash and burn sort of day for me. Monday had been just fine, projects in the condo, walking the dog, watching some TV and planning a dinner. Just a normal sort of 2020 busyness day. An "up" day.

Wednesday I woke to feeling "down" and dark and just tired, frustrated and frankly angry about this America....our world in general. Too many stories of new COVID cases, stories of states and towns starting to open up with businesses "going back to normal", protestors yelling (or worse) at officials because they didn't want to wear face masks. The news that 45's COVID Response Team would be finished soon and we were pivoting to a new committee tasked with making American great again....or whatever. Just a never ending drum beat that echoes and echoes and changes and changes and is wearing me out.

Certainly I am not alone. And once again I try to remind myself that I'm fine, my family and friends are fine.....that I am very fortunate and have everything that I need. This will get better. But some days I just can't seem to talk myself out of the "down". I just have to go there and wallow. Hang out in the bedroom reading and watching TV....not interacting with anyone (except Fenway). Growling at Dave when he pokes his head through the door. I just wallowed on Tuesday.

Today is Wednesday. The sun is shining and even though the news hasn't changed for the better the bright day helps. And getting busy on a new order for face masks emerses me in color. 25 more face masks.....damn I wish no one needed these.

I'll get back on the seesaw tomorrow, and the day after that. What choice does anyone have except to enjoy the up days and tolerate the downs and hope the downs don't get any "down-er". 

Flowers and Farkle.....

Well we had two days of perfect spring weather and then there is today. Grey sky, about 45 degrees and windy. Ah well. Our weekend was fun!

Saturday was a back-yard distance visit with friends. A good time just being sort of together and talking and laughing while eating home-made muffins. Yum....and before leaving my friend cut flowers blooming in her garden and sent them home with us. Frangrant sunshine in my kitchen for the weekend.

Sunday morning gave us a social distance walk with our daughter, son-in-law and two grandsons along the lake front....talking and catching up. So good to spend time with all of them.

Then Sunday afternoon we enjoyed another backyard visit with other friends and a game of Farkle. It's easy to play, each with our own dice on our own side of the firepit. Lots of laughter and Fenway even got to come with us to enjoy their backyard off leash!

Tonight, Monday, we will enjoy "Farkle From Afar". We've been playing with our friends who live in New Hampshire for several weeks. Zoom on our computers makes it possible to have a good visit again filled with laughter and conversation. 

So, in years to come, when we all look back at this strange 2020 I will remember that there were ways to find time to get together and be with family and friends. Maybe it wasn't perfect, far from it. No hugs, no close contact at all.....but there were connections and I treasured all of them. 

COVID-19 be damned.....

First View.....

6:45 and Fenway and I walk out the door....down the sidewalk next to the condo building. It feels like spring! We turn east at the end of the building to walk to the lakefront. And my eyes are immediately drawn upward.

Our sky is absolutely beautiful. Shifting shapes move across a beautiful blue palette. It is just so pretty. Very few people are out and about....a young mother pushing a stroller and a few other first-walk-of-the-day dog owners. I listen to lots of different bird calls as they start the day. And it just gets better and better, moment by moment as we walk along the water. The sun itself is hiding behind the clouds but beauty streams down.

We continue our walk and I am thinking about just how "normal" and "everyday" this seems.....a walk, a beautiful morning, a few others enjoying the early time outside. And it makes me suddenly sad and almost tearful. There is nothing normal in our world anymore....not today and not for the foreseeable future. And probably whatever becomes normal will not be like anything we've ever had before. I am so sick of the term "new normal"....but that's what it's going to be.

One last look and it seems that the light coming through holes in the sky. 

Holes in heaven?