1974….

Roe passed in 1973.

It was probably June 1974 when I visited my obstetrician.

Our son, Todd, was five and he was such fun. A busy kindergarten student with some little boy friends doing what little boys did back then. He was a joy. Our daughter, Megan, was born in April 1974. She was perfect as far as we were concerned. Maybe she didn’t nap as much as Todd did at her age…..but she was so loved. They both were.

Dave was moving up in his insurance career. He commuted to and from Manhattan from our first house in Middlesex, NJ. I was a busy stay-at-home mom. We were the “Leave It To Beaver Family”. Step by step we worked hard and our American dream grew.

But I hadn’t had a menstrual period since Meg’s birth and I began to worry. I can’t even remember, all these years later, if I shared my concerns with Dave. I do remember holding Megan on the couch while she had her bottle with tears running down my face. I loved my kids…..and I felt I was “good” at mothering. Babies and pre-schoolers were “fun” and I enjoyed most moments of my mothering days. But I knew myself well enough to know that I could not mother another child arriving less than a year after our second. I’m sure the love would have stretched….but the patience and constant full-time energy needed to fill the job description? I knew I would fail at that. So I made a appointment with my doctor.

I remember sitting in his office and his kind face. I told him I was afraid I was pregnant again and did not want the baby. We talked and he was very thoughtful and directed in his responses. He told me this was, of course, my decision to make. He also indicated that after giving birth it could take more than a few months to get back into a menstrual rhythm. He gave me a pill and said if I wasn’t pregnant it would bring on my menstrual flow within days. If I was pregnant nothing would happen and I would then make another appointment to see him to make my decision.

I went home. I took the pill. I mothered for a few days.

My period started. 

Was I relieved…..yes. Would I have made an appointment to see my physician if it hadn’t? Yes.

1974. I had a choice. I don’t think I’ve shared this life-story with too many people before…..but it flashed back yesterday and I thought this is the time to speak.