Would You Tackle This?

I was looking through photos tonight and ran across one showing my cousin's farm when her husband first bought it. If I remember the story correctly, he was focused on the farm land along the Ohio River and the "house" came with it. And there was a tree (or maybe more than one) growing right in the middle.

Keep in mind that Dave and I have a "thing" for historic homes. We owned an old (for Wisconsin) farm house in Nashotah when our kids were little. It was built in the 1850's and needed some love and affection. (In fact, when my mother-in-law came to visit the first time she flew home to Massachusetts and told her friends "My daughter-in-law is trying to kill my son"!) That house turned out to be a wonderful, big, welcoming family home and it broke my heart to leave it behind when Dave accepted another job.  Years later we owned a 200+ year old home in Old New Castle, Delaware. Again, we purchased it knowing it needed work….but we loved it.

Owning an historic home (or probably any house) just means you need to accept the Rule of Three. If you think it will take three weeks to fix, it will take nine. And if you think $100 should do it…again, multiply by three. Once you get that into your head you can just go along knowing that your original budget for any project was way out of whack.

But, back to my cousin's place. Here's how it looks today.

So, impossible as it seems, the falling-down-shack turned into an amazing, warm, welcoming, fun, colorful and relaxing family home. We love to visit……just so sorry we weren't close enough to help during the construction years. (Hah!)

:-)

Semi-Successful Day…..

Yesterday we took a drive up to Horicon Marsh. It's about an hour from home and we hoped to be there toward dusk when migrating birds might land in huge numbers. It was a nice day, puffy white clouds, sun peeking in and out but it was windy. Dave would not be getting many reflection shots!

In the end we drove a three mile loop, got out to walk on the boardwalk path into the marsh, hiked a bit through the fields and did see some birds. Not as many as we hoped, but we did see birds. Geese, trumpeter swans, a raft of red heads and scaups, pairs of mallards, a few sandhill cranes flying in to land and disappear in the tall grasses, redwing black birds, lesser yellow legs and others I could not identify. (Frankly I didn't identify most of the ones listed - we were lucky enough to find a bird expert walking the same boardwalk and she did the naming!)

So…bottom's up!

Here's to the redheads! (Look close!)

And the lesser yellow legs….lesser than what???!!

A nice drive through the not-quite-green-spring-in-Wisconsin yet…..some nature and a picnic supper along the way. Pleasures close to home.

Well That Explains It……

For some reason all day yesterday was a "blue" day…..just a downer. No reason I could think of. The weather was nice. Warm and nice enough to go for several walks. Ran a few errands, read a few chapters of my book. Had a nice phone chat with my daughter. But all day I just felt "off".

Yes, I struggled with my brand new sewing machine trying to get it to do what I used to be able to do with my old one! (Ugh….I put it away and will try again tomorrow.) Yes, I have back-of-my-brain concerns about a very good friend and a very loved family member who both have huge health issues. Yes, I pulled a muscle in my back while doing some core strengthening exercises. (How ironic is that?) But there was no real reason for me to feel so "down".

Dave left for an evening meeting and I decided to take the dog for another evening walk. It was lovely and spring-ish outside. Moving and getting some fresh air would no doubt boost my mood.  And it did….until I came out of the woods and happened to glance east at Lake Michigan. There is was - the full, full moon.

The sky was still light so the moon was soft and faint. But it was full and smiling down on me. That was the reason…..it was the full moon. My mom died several years ago - and when I left her hospital room at almost midnight I looked up and there is was….a huge full moon. So for me….it's not the Man in the Moon anymore - it's always my mom smiling down on me.

There are a lot of reasons the full moon now brings both lovely memories and also a sadness to my heart, and a lot of reasons I'd like a do-over with my Mom. Some time to say some things I didn't say enough. Some time for one more hug, for one more thank you.

I have to smile. I have to think that she is gently reminding me that it's OK….that she knows I loved her….that she's proud of her whole family and somehow knows we are all doing well. So tomorrow I'll wake up and feel better. I know I will.

It was the full moon.

Brownish to Greenish…..

March was pretty awful around here. Just cold and windy and nothing "spring-is-coming" about it. Sort of frustrating and gloomy. Our daughter, who is very well spoken and usually quite optimistic posted a comment on Facebook on March 28th saying something like "March you have three days to get your shit together and GO OUT like a LAMB!" Again, this was not the way she usually expresses herself.

But it worked! The last two days of March were really quite nice, wind died down, sun came out and the temperatures were acceptable. Today it really seems like Wisconsin's spring is just about ready to burst upon the scene. The grey, brown, dead yellow grasses along the bike path are just now starting to show a hint of green. The grass too…it's trying! Trees show tiny shots of green buds just beginning to peek out on the branches. And the pile of dirty black snirt that is piled in the corner of the condo's parking lot is just about gone. Pairs of ducks and geese are cruising the water along the edge of the lake and looking for good nesting spots. Robins are everywhere.

Today Fenway and I took our longest walk in quite awhile - along the marina and all the way around Coal Dock Park before heading home. Just now, looking out the window toward the bike path I see a young father pushing a baby carriage. He's jogging with his dog's leash in one hand and steering the stroller with the other….and he's in shorts! Yea!

I think we'll clean off our bikes tomorrow and see if we can remember how to use them.

Half Mast……

Fenway and I went for a walk earlier today and I noticed a local TV station news van pull in and park in front of the American Legion building next door, two people left the van and went into the hall.  This evening we took another walk. As I passed the Yacht Club at the lakefront I noticed that the flag was flying at half-mast. So was the one in front of the American Legion, the one at the water purification plant and another down toward the marina. I began to wonder….why? Had I missed something.

Then, coming up in the elevator, I remembered hearing a quick report about a soldier from Port Washington who died during a training exercise earlier this month. So I put the pieces together.
After searching on line I think I've figured it out. There it was….information about a young soldier who died during a training exercise. The photo in the paper showed him in uniform cradling his baby in his arms.

This young man, 27, who served his country in both Iraq and Afghanistan was one of 11 killed in a Black Hawk helicopter crash during exercises off the coast of Florida. He graduated from Port Washington High School and as a senior was voted the class member "with the best laugh". He leaves behind his wife, a young child and other family members and friends who now have a huge hole in their hearts. As do ten other families across the country.

Out of respect to the family, and because I don't know them, I won't use the young man's name. Apparently his body was escorted from the airport back to Port Washington today. Services and goodbyes will be held later in the week. I won't go…..that would not be appropriate. I didn't know him.   I would not want to intrude in any way.

But this little blog gives me a way to say I am thinking of him, of his family…..of the service he provided for his country….for all of us. I have a son, I have four grandsons. I can only begin to imagine the grief that is enveloping his family today. But thank you to him….thank you to his wife, to his young child who will never know him, to his parents. I hope they know that even strangers noticed those flags at half mast and thought  of him.

I hope, once the grief begins to fade, they remember that laugh.

She's Not in Office……

Yesterday I saw a news release scroll across my internet feed…..security was being increased at Princeton University because President Obama's niece (who plays on the women's basketball team) received some kind of threat.

Really? This is what it means to serve your country in 2015? I'm no fool and I understand that candidates walk into our election process with eyes wide open, and their immediate family better be on board. At the Presidential level, the winner gives up his/her privacy and most attempts at normalcy. (Mrs. Obama recently said she was looking forward to being able to ride in a car with a window open - she had not been able to do that for seven years. That small statement really hit me - no windows open, nowhere, no drive even if down a deserted country road???) The winner also accepts the reality that somewhere near 50% of the country's electorate will be mad and against him/her from the beginning of his/her term until the end. The winner accepts the fact that he/she will age quickly under the pressure.

But frankly this specific story made me mad. A young woman, intelligent enough to be accepted at Princeton and talented enough to make the basketball team is being threatened because someone doesn't like her uncle's political policies and decisions? Just how is this her "fault"….does The President call and talk to her for advice before meeting his advisors?

We hope to attract the best and the brightest to lead our country. But frankly, if they are the best and the brightest they may decide to run the other way - away from service, away from public office. There are other ways to make a difference. If any of my grown children, or growing grandchildren came and said "Grams I want to run for office and someday be President of the United States" my reaction would probably be anything but excited

His niece, her teammates, really? How pathetic.

Pre-Grief......

I'm trying to remember what I learned during the years I worked for hospice. I keep thinking that my professional background should help with coping with a coming loss in my own family. But somehow it's not working........

My dear cousin has been fighting cancer for several years now. We thought she was in the clear....but about a year ago the damn disease showed up again.....in her bones this time. So a round of chemo and radiation....and a good year. Travel, time with family including a new grandson, time with friends, time at home. Good time.

But it's back......I don't know the details, but Dave and I just spent good time with her and her husband last week. Good, good time.

I knew it was back.....she'd had some tests the week before we came and was scheduled to see her doctor just after we left for home. So I knew. And my brain knew.....and we all knew that the end result of bone cancer is never good. So my brain was ready for today's phone call....but somehow my heart was not.

Another round of chemo......holding off the inevitable. Hoping and planning for more good time, at home, with family, with grandkids, with husband, with friends. More good time.....please.

Pre-grief...or whatever it's called. My brain seems to be coping.......my heart is breaking.....and my tear ducts are working overtime. Crap....she is younger than I am. Just so unfair......just so unfair.